Getting Out of Your Head and Into the Room
A few months ago, I wrote a piece titled How to Show Up When Social Situations Feel Hard.
I received more positive feedback on this than anything I’d written in a while, so I decided to turn it into a series. Over the next four weeks, we’re going to explore the major areas where our Waiting in the Wings self holds us back. We’ll also talk about one shift you can make each week to move toward becoming a Confident Connector. You can build stronger relationships, feel more at ease in social situations, and create opportunities that might have felt out of reach before.
Before we go any further, I want you to know that I am right there with you. I affectionately refer to my hesitant, self-conscious version as “Guarded Rachel.” She’s open underneath but arms crossed on top.
I’ve spent much of my life learning how to work around Guarded Rachel. She doesn’t let go of her post easily. This version of me still thinks it’s safer to stay on the sidelines, avoiding awkwardness or potential embarrassment. I’m grateful for her caution but I also know it’s my job now to step in, take the reins, and lead my social life with confidence.
I tell you that so you know that everything I share with you is based on my own journey, as well as my coaching work, where I help clients do the same.
This week, we’re starting with the part of ourselves that most of us struggle with the most: taking action before we feel ready.
Most of us live life almost completely in our own heads. We spin and spiral endlessly in our minds imagining every awkward scenario and convince ourselves that if we don’t feel 100% ready, it’s not worth it..
I know this because I used to live there too. I would avoid events, parties, and networking meetups, anything that felt intimidating. I’d rehearse every conversation in my head, only to end up canceling at the last minute, standing awkwardly in the corner, or, even worse, driving all the way there and turning around in the parking lot.
Over time, though, I realized something that should be obvious but wasn’t to me: thinking doesn’t create connection. Showing up does. And I really wanted to connect so I decided to try showing up.
I remember the first time I tried it intentionally. I had a small networking event on my calendar and was panicking. I felt nauseous, jittery, and convinced no one would talk to me. But instead of letting my Waiting in the Wings Guarded Rachel self take over, I decided to show up, even if I felt awkward. I walked in, stomach sour, and looked for a familiar face. There wasn’t one. I could feel hesitation creeping back in. But I reminded myself: Other people struggle with this, too. I am not alone.
I said hi to the person I saw standing awkwardly along the wall. I knew he was my people. And it was a little stilted and kinda weird, but I did it. By the end of the night, I had met three new people, laughed a lot, and actually enjoyed myself. I left thinking, Huh, I just needed to get out of my own way.
That’s the shift from Waiting in the Wings to Confident Connector. You don’t start with perfection. You start with just showing up. You step into action before you’re ready.
Your Action Item For This Week:
Pick one social activity you’ve been avoiding. Big or small. Accept the discomfort. Show up.
Set a tiny goal for your time there. Maybe it’s just talking to one new person or staying for 20 minutes. Small wins compound.
Notice what happens in your body and mind. Did your heart race? Did your stomach twist? That’s normal. It’s your Waiting in the Wings self noticing change.
Remember, the first step is both the hardest and the most powerful. Every confident connector started exactly where you are right now: unsure, hesitant, maybe even panicked but willing to show up anyway.
Lean into that discomfort. Step through the door. See what’s possible.
If this felt familiar, you’re exactly who this work is for.
Social confidence isn’t about becoming someone else, it’s about learning to show up as you. Stay connected for the rest of this series and future ways to build confidence, connection, and relationship momentum together.
