The Power of Paying Attention
I was following a childhood dream when I entered barber school. After finishing both high school and college in six years, I was ready to do something that was completely my own. It felt like the first truly independent decision I’d made in my life. What I didn’t anticipate was how much the interactions I had in the barbershop would shape the course of my thinking and how I see people and relationships.
As a female in an almost entirely male field, I naturally had a unique perspective. Of course, there were (and still are, unfortunately) challenges, including doubts about my skills, inappropriate comments, outright dismissals. But as I spent day after day, year after year behind the chair, I began to learn things about men that most women aren’t privy to. Growing up, women are often conditioned to see men through stories: “Men are pigs,” “Boys will be boys.” We commiserate, swap tales of frustration, and share their own tales of woe. Most women never see the world from a man’s point of view. I did, and it gave me insights I didn’t expect.
I started noticing patterns in the way people communicated, what they shared, and how they reacted when someone actually listened. There’s a level of vulnerability and honesty that most people rarely encounter. Many men, I observed, didn’t have anyone who asked how their day was, who listened without expectation, who just honored their presence. Women, by contrast, often have broader social networks and cultural permission to share feelings. Witnessing that contrast early on sharpened my sense of how vital connection is and how often it’s missing.
What struck me most was that people’s actions, words, and interactions revealed more than any explanation or theory could. You could see patterns forming and from those patterns understand behaviors, needs, and unspoken truths. Over time, I realized that noticing these small, consistent patterns wasn’t just interesting, it was powerful. It gave me a way to understand and anticipate how people show up for each other.
Being a barber opened up my sense of humanity for those around me. It taught me the importance of being heard, of being present enough to really listen, and how community is built in those moments. I began to understand how vital it is to our health to feel connected to other people and how much of a difference connection makes in our lives. I also learned that connection is something that can be intentionally practiced and that there are ways to build it even if it does not come naturally. Twenty-some years later, the belief that connection is a learnable skill is the cornerstone of my work.
Over time, the patterns I noticed began to form into something I could explain and use. What once felt unclear started to make sense, and those observations turned into frameworks, language, and practical insights that help people feel connected. These insights became the foundation for everything I do now.
Looking back, the most important insight is how noticing patterns can reveal opportunities to understand and support one another. Perspective is powerful. Listening is powerful. Presence is powerful. The more consistently we show up, the clearer the picture becomes and the more impact we can have.
Connection is learnable, and you don’t have to do it alone. If you’re ready to strengthen your relationships, build social confidence, and turn everyday interactions into meaningful connection, my Overcoming Underconnecting workbook can guide you step by step. Explore it today and take the next step toward the relationships and support you deserve.
